I wish I could capture this moment and stay here forever. I am sitting on a deck in the mountains. Beside me is a river, it is flowing low but it is making the perfect water trickling sound. The wind is blowing through the pine trees, the sun is bright, and everything is green.
There are so many birds up here. There are Blue Jays, Cardinals, Robins and many brightly colored Finches. I have even been told that there is a Bald Eagle living about a mile up the river from us. I love watching the birds, each one is so uniquely colored, is specially made, one of a kind, just like they way that God made us.
I often feel like a Robin trying desperately to be accepted by the Blue Jays. I struggle with fitting in to the status quoa. I would much rather be camping or fishing than at a fancy dinner or ladies tea. I have always been that way and no matter how hard I try to be someone I am not, I end up being just me.
Some situations have arose lately that has me questioning the importance of “fitting in”. Of course we all have to fit in sometimes and can’t run around speaking our minds or behaving inappropriately. What I am talking about is socially.
I was at a fancy fundraising dinner a week ago and it occurred to me that I didn’t belong there. The speakers were boring and the entire night was “we are so great, now give us more money”. My imagination tends to kick in when in these situations, probably to drown out the sheer boredom. I pictured the X-Men bursting through the glass wall of the Biltmore Hotel and the ensuing fight between good versus evil. I asked my husband what X-Men he thought would show up, he smiled and hushed me as he did not want others to hear. Eventually he gave in and picked the entrance he thought would best suit an X-Men battle.
I realized after that night that not only did I not belong there, I did not want to belong there. I thought about all of the times I tried to fit in when I shouldn’t have and how disappointed and hurt I was when things didn’t turn out like I had planned. I have thought a lot about it this week and then realized, at the ripe old age of 44, it really is not that important to fit in. (Took me long enough!)
Just like the Robin, trying to fit into a Blue Jays nest. It is simply not going to happen, and the Robin will probably get hurt trying.
I realized that God made me with my own special talents and abilities and that I need to stop wasting time trying to be someone or something I am not. I need to accept and embrace the person that God made, faults and all, because the me HE made, is the me HE WANTS me to be.